Grandpa Memory

I know that this could just as well wait for tomorrow, but as its fresh on the mind I’d like to send my favorite memory of grandpa. The thing I immediately thought of wasn’t a specific memory, but maybe a combination of memories. When President M. Russell Ballard came to visit our mission in december, he said a lot of things. I honestly can’t remember all he said, but something that specifically stood out to me was that Elder Ballard literally reminded me of grandpa. Maybe it was the jokes he was making during his talk, or maybe it was just the fact the grandpa and President Ballard just always seemed like they’re invincible was what did it. I have a lot of memories of grandpa but the fact that the president of the quorum of the 12 apostles reminds you of your grandfather just by hearing him talk, must mean that you had a pretty amazing grandpa. 

I dont know if the memory really counts but its what I have. I’ll talk tomorrow so I’ll be brief, but the hardest thing about this is feeling alone. I feel like I’m too bad of a missionary and too weak and unworthy to have the surety that ill be able to see and live with passed family members again. It’s been really hard that feeling. I’ve been stable emotionally and haven't shed a tear, but I've been reflecting the whole week and especially today about grandpa and the worries that I've just expressed. I know this is not about me in anyway and I’m gonna reach out again to grandma tomorrow, but in my mind, but I just feel like I’ll constantly fall forever short of paradise and the promises of seeing family members again. Maybe its OCD and my obsessive thinking, but its just a hard feeling. Anyways ill see you guys tomorrow. And don’t worry about me, im honestly doing fine. Love you